Yup! Once, a potential client introduced himself by making a rude comment about part of my identity. I recognized it as a red flag. I reasoned, however, that because he was also a member of the group he was insulting, perhaps he was only trying to make an in-joke and develop some intimacy with me. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and ignored the awkward comment. Big mistake. He went on to behave badly during our professional interactions. (Did you predict it?) When I set boundaries, he unleashed rancidly hateful comments about another part of my identity — this time, about an identity he didn't share.

Lesson learned.

When he introduced himself to me by making a rude comment about our shared identity, he was testing the waters to see what else he might get away with. I shouldn't have ignored and excused it. Had I simply said "No thanks, I'm uninterested in working with people who speak to me like that," I wouldn't have gone on to waste time attempting a professional relationship with him.