Thank you for sharing your awareness. You've always been allowed to be whoever you are (and not to be whoever you aren't), and to walk or not walk any path you choose or don't choose, and you already know that, and I have no authority to give or withhold permission. I can only say thank you for sharing the story you want to tell, as well as for reserving the negative space of the story you might not want or need to tell right now, a hidden story which is nevertheless part of your experience and your truth. Things we do, undo, redo — they all mean something. We require different timescales to figure out parts of ourselves. We do things the hard way, often. Suffering is certainly A Way. Our suffering means something. When we are ready to try another way, we are entitled, then, to let it be easy, too. To let it in. When we are ready. When it is time.