Regarding how to address the fact that many people's sexual attractions have formed in a way to exclude trans people:

I approach this question in a less philosophical way. To the extent it poses any problem at all, I think it's mostly an issue of feelings and politeness. I've written about this before.

From my POV (limited though it is) it seems that hostility is a big part of the problem. I don't need everyone on the planet to find me sexy or actually date me, nor do I think that everyone needs to be open to and genuinely interested in dating (or perhaps even befriending) a trans person. Maybe someone wants to stay home with their cats and not have human friends at all; I cannot force them to make a trans friend. If they're open to making exactly one new friend, and they rule out a trans person in the hopes they can find a cis friend, I may not be positioned to say anything about their preference.

As a matter of focus, I think it's important for everyone to find ways to minimize our rudeness when we reject someone. You [hypothetical cis person] don't want to chat with me because you have a headache (and maybe you feel a bit uncomfortable that I'm trans)? You don't want to see the movie with me because you'd rather watch it with your cats (and not with a trans person)? OK, have a nice life, just please don't go around town gossiping about me to delegitimize my gender and the idea of being trans. Trans people are allowed to exist and have relationships. Some people find us hot even if you [hypothetical cis person] don't. I can't control what every other person (cis or trans) feels about their own sexuality and the relationships they wish to be in, nor do I wish to try.

First Person Authority is linked to the right to say "no." Cis people also have this. Any person can say "no" for any reason or no reason at all. Cis people can say "no" to trans people, but — here is the request — if they could please do it in a way that doesn't attempt to delegitimize the very concept of being trans, is nonviolent, supports everyone's dignity, maintains privacy, and is essentially respectful, that would be great. A person who makes a personal choice can just own it — they're making choices based upon their own feelings, which they don't need to explain or justify — but they can refrain from pretending that their preference disproves the reality of trans people.

Bonus, when possible/appropriate, we can say "no" in a way that is affirming, kind, and preserves the possibility of some other kind of relationship, like "let's be neighbors and see each other at BBQs."

Also, a trans person is allowed to have hurt feelings, again, for any reason or no reason. Any rejection can feel hurtful. We have to recognize that other individuals do have the right to romantically reject us, but we don't have to enjoy being romantically rejected. We can cry to a friend or therapist. We don't have to be "right" and the other person "wrong" to justify why we're sad. Maybe no one is wrong, yet we feel sad anyway, because we hoped for a relationship we can't have. That's a possible feeling. It's an understandable feeling. Our being sad doesn't hurt anyone, and we are allowed to feel sad.

But again — to make the key distinction — it would be really, really helpful if people (cis or trans) didn't leverage cis epistemology to amplify cis privilege and go around saying that all trans people are inherently undesirable, by which behavior they reinscribe that idea in the culture. Promoting cis epistemology/privilege causes anti-transgender societal harm that is beyond one person's hurt feelings about not getting a date.