One person wants the other to behave a certain way, and the other person might not be able to do it. There are relationship arrangements in which one always cooks dinner and the other always cleans up. If that arrangement contributes to overall peace, happiness, and wellbeing in the house, great. But if one of them can't do it anymore, the distress probably isn't so much about the dishes; it's more about their self and relationship and what they want from life. And when someone's proposing an "agreement" over clothes/hair/jewelry and their partner's actual body, the issue is even more so about the person (the one whose clothes or body are being discussed), and also about the relationship, and really not at all about the tangible object of "this earring." People will say, "Why can't you just—" which would be a reasonable request if it were really a simple request over an earring, but the argument isn't about the earring. The earring is a symbol for something vaguer and more profound and existential.