Interesting use of "noble lie." Usually, I tend to hear it describing a comforting myth that the ruling class pushes on everyone else to prevent conflict—not so much a single vulnerable person trying to maintain family relationships and protect themselves —because yes, as individuals deciding how to present our own gender, even if we want to spare others' confusion and hurt feelings, we also need to protect ourselves. I bring this up because sometimes we shoulder responsibility for others' feelings as if we had a lot more power than we do, as if we were an entire monarchy-church with an imperial agenda. We're individuals doing our best to survive and thrive and we can be gentle with ourselves and maybe not always work so hard to hold up myths for others.