I hadn't heard of this incident, nor had I heard of Jude Bacalso, nor do I know exactly on what Bacalso was lecturing for two hours. Nor am I familiar with possible cultural or legal reasons why the young waiter may have believed he needed to stand there and listen to Bacalso berating him, as opposed to returning to work and informing his manager of the sensitive situation so his manager could decide how to address it on behalf of the restaurant, as I've seen young service workers do in the United States.

What I know is this:

You can't put a "but" after "equality and acceptance." "Respect each other and know our boundaries and limits" is not in conflict with equality and acceptance; it's part of it. I also don't understand how you can endorse "respect" while diminishing it as "all that diversity training stuff."

I don't know what you mean by asking for "time to process and adapt." Gay and trans people have always existed. We're part of thousands of years of history. The point isn't quite that humanity has had thousands of years to get used to us; it's that we've always been part of humanity.

"Woke community" and "woke ideology" isn't a thing. The right-wing uses that as an insult against diverse and inclusive groups. Those terms don't refer precisely to any specific type of person nor any set of ideas.

Saying you "can't tolerate" LGBTQ people when they cross your "boundaries" presents a conundrum. After all, you acknowledge that the waiter called Bacalso "sir" without knowing that she preferred another term, so he crossed her boundary "mistakenly." Now, putting the shoe on the other foot: If an LGBTQ person crosses your pèrsonal boundaries mistakenly, what are you suggesting you'll do in response? Lecturing us for two hours isn't an available option for you, right? So what is your limit, and what will it look like when you don't tolerate someone's violation of your limit?

While I can't speak from personal experience about Filipino culture, I will say I enjoyed Geena Rocero's memoir Horse Barbie, which I wrote about for Gender Identity Today. She says some people called her by the indigenous word "bakla", and though they meant it as an insult, there was some history and awareness there. I'm not positioned to explain Filipino culture. I'm just saying I'd listen to Filipino voices, including yours (I read your article) as well as trans people like Geena Rocero (I read her book). We can't assume we know what someone is saying until we hear it.

Similarly, Jude Bacalso (whatever exactly she said to the waiter) doesn't speak for all trans people, and accepting trans people doesn't reduce to being "woke" or getting a "diversity training" (what does that even mean?). At any moment, a trans individual may say something inappropriate, but that person's misbehavior doesn't reflect on all trans people as a collective, and it shouldn't be a reason to assume that transness itself is somehow too complicated or difficult for non-trans people to deal with. We all have to listen to multiple trans people so we have comprehensive and nuanced understandings.

If you say you're "not gonna support" LGBTQ "rights," it will be hard for LGBTQ people to "be your friend and pal no matter what." LGBTQ rights are about having space in society to exist safely, freely, and with dignity. Chipping away at some piece of those essential human needs isn't friendship. I believe I'm required to support others' rights, and when I fail to support them, I don't consider myself entitled to their friendship.