I am not convinced you read my article.
In the article, I briefly discussed why the use of the word "courtesy" is a little concerning when it is used to describe how we acknowledge someone else's gender, so I am uncertain why you chose to reaffirm the use of that language.
Second: I didn't argue that, to completely eliminate the risk of hurt feelings, no one should ever discuss anything. (That would have been ridiculous.) What I said was that some discourses are designed to cause some kind of harm, or that they inevitably do cause harm, and that these discourses are bad and should be avoided. (That is obvious and uncontroversial.) My argument was to point out the way in which a specific discourse does this. I focused on the type of discourse that begins by treating a marginalized group of people as objects—that is, talking about them rather than inviting them to the table to discuss themselves. This discourse is predictably harmful. It should be avoided.
Tweeting something to 3 million followers is not a real "discussion." I talked about this, too, in my article.
People in the dominant group will "learn and grow" by listening to what people in the marginalized group say about themselves. By contrast, we worsen our own characters when we make up fantasies about how other groups of people are irrational, unacceptable, villainous, etc. There is no reason why "we need to be ok" with people in the dominant group spreading misinformation about other human beings. When someone is hurting us, we can ask them to stop. When someone says something false, we can briefly tell them it's false without spending the rest of our month trying to tell them something they have no interest in hearing. I don't owe my neighbor a brand-new dissertation on why the Earth is round every time he amuses himself by telling me it's flat. It's not that I am intellectually incapable of doing so; it's that he is deliberately wasting my time.
In the part of my article you highlighted, I was drawing a distinction between talking about body parts and talking about people as if they were body parts.
