How does God sort through all the prayers?

Have you ever wondered how God sorts through all the prayers?

God hires angels to do it. There are open positions at the call center, but let me warn you: The search is advanced.

Screenshot of Twitter’s “Advanced search” pop-up. The first section is called “Words.” The fields are “All of these words”; “this exact phrase”; “any of these words”; “none of these words.”

They are searching for people asking “What?” and simultaneously announcing what’s “happening.” They want all the words.

They are searching for bar-hoppers delirious with joy and sadness. They want the exact phrase: “happy hour.”

They are searching for people who are thinking about a cat or a dog. They want any of these words.

They are searching for people who are thinking about something else entirely. They want none of these words.

They love people who are brimming with nostalgia and who are self-consciously ironic and tech-savvy enough to call it #ThrowbackThursday. They want a hashtag.

They need people who are praying in words they understand. They want to specify the language.

Screenshot of Twitter’s “Advanced search” pop-up. The second section is called “Accounts.” The fields are “From these accounts,” “to these accounts,” “mentioning these accounts.”

They are curious to know who is speaking. Are they listening to themselves talk or are they ready to listen to someone else? They want to specify the account from which the…